A Grand Idea

I’m full of good ideas. I’d like to think if the right person caught wind of my ideas I could give up my blogging gig to become a full time inventor. Until that time comes I want to share one of my can’t miss ideas.

Parachutes on Airplane Seats: For those of you who do not know, Celia and I took the kids to Rome just before Christmas. On the day of our flight back to Germany I became very sick which made for a very long day. I became extremely irritable as a drawback to being sick. I’m not alone; I’d like to think most people’s patience when sick is comparable to a dog with rabies. At the beginning of the flight, the flight attendant stood before the plane and conducted the standard seat belt brief as the PA system informed me “in the unlikely event of a water landing your seat may be used as a flotation device.”

I have flown over a large body of water once and that was the Atlantic Ocean en route to Germany. In a water landing of that magnitude the outcome for all onboard is fatal; my floating seat will do nothing but prolong the inevitable. However deep my cynicism may run with the floating seats I am not advocating for their removal, not in the least bit. I saw Cast Away. If the difference between the wife, kids, and I reaching a deserted island for survival is a cheap floating seat, however unlikely that scenario is, I want that opportunity.

What I’m suggesting is not a modification, but more of an upgrade. The overwhelming majority of flights I have been on have all been over land and therefore is the basis of my research. My rhetorical question is how a floating seat will help me in the unlikely landing of a cornfield? By limiting the passengers (Me) to only one additional survival device, the passengers (I) thereby relinquish total control of their (My)lives to the pilot. Does that seem fair? As a paying customer I would feel far more reassured knowing I had two options. Option A would be to go down with the Captain and his ship. Option B would be to roll the dice by parachuting out of the plane like Evil Knievel.

A question most likely lingering is how will my seat get from inside the plane to the outdoors? I’m glad you asked. Once the plane has dropped to a certain altitude, safe for parachuting, the pilot will announce “we are now cleared for parachuting.” The pilot will then push a red button which will remove the top of the plane, similar to a sun roof in a car. The passengers, ensuring their seat belts are on tight, will push their own red button which will eject them out of the plane. For clarity, imagine Maverick and Goose in Top Gun, the ejection will mirror theirs.

The passengers will float down to earth safely by a giant parachute. I believe to ensure maximum safety of the passengers on the plane, the parachute must be monstrous to lower the people as slowly as possible. Imagine the parachute used in the Disney blockbuster hit, Operation Dumbo Drop, that big.

Obviously there are flaws and a few kinks which still need to be worked out but I believe the idea is solid. Some people may be opposed to the idea of landing while still attached to their airline seat with the fear of concussions and broken bones. I share those concerns myself but I feel two broken legs are better than the alternative, don’t you?

Parachutes on airplane seats, it is a brilliant, can’t miss idea.